ROMEO

 Krystella’s Homoscopes

 Troubled Shooter Sagittarius

Krystella has many talents, channeling spirits, tuning into living people, tarot card reading, crystal ball gazing, and many more. In her enormous wisdom, Krystella has seen fit to share her intimate knowledge of the 12-star signs with everyone on PLANETROMEO. This month, she’s fixed her gaze on Sagittarius. Buckle up and get down on your destiny.

Element: Fire

Ruling Planet: Jupiter

Erogenous Zone: Thighs, hips

Best Traits: Optimistic, fun, high-spirited

Worst Traits: Brutally honest, morally slippery, conquest-oriented

 

 


My Darling Romeos,

 

I had me a REAL Sagittarius man in my life for a time. Turned out later that he was gay, of course. All my men seem to be a little sweet in the pants, one way or the other.

The Sagittarius man’s a restless spirit – it’s no wonder he loves to travel. Typical Sagittarian men love to try exotic foods, meet exotic people, and will befriend everyone in the bar. He spreads his social butter as easily as a good whore spreads her legs on a hot Friday night, in the French Quarter.

He’s generous, excessive, lucky, and a risk-taker. That means he’ll pay for everything while he’s got the cash that he won at the casino, after he put the deed to YOUR house on the betting table! Unless he has some serious Capricorn or Taurus in his chart, don’t expect practical things to happen around him. Expect ‘Jack and the Beanstalk’ behavior. This man believes in living life, not building up security or worrying about future rainy days. He’s very in the now, which is why his ‘you know I got it going on’ presence is so attractive. His picture might be in the dictionary next to the word ‘Geek’ and still… Pocket protectors, bow ties, and suspenders all lined up in a row and you still want him. Oh Lord!

Born under the sign of the philosopher, the man can preach too. His own integrity is an issue. You see, these boys are way too lucky and figure out how to slide through life way too easily and way too soon. They’ll stretch the truth to a lover about cheating. “I didn’t sleep with that waiter! How could you even think that?” (All right Sweetie, a hand job in the men’s room is not “sleeping together,” but just be more honest and tell the whole truth.)

Mr. Sag has the reputation of being “brutally honest.” Yeah, he’s the type to tell you, “Wow, your back is getting hairy-er, and that Neanderthal-look ain’t working.” Charming, huh? And still, this whippersnapper gets away with it. Why? Well, he really doesn’t mean any harm (unless he has a lot of Scorpio). Nothing embarrasses him, so he can’t relate to that feeling. You can perform your own sex change operation in front of him as you watch Oprah reruns, and he’ll just ask you if pizza and ice cream sounds good for dinner. Fine. Tell him he sucks in bed? No biggie. Nothing fazes him, and he loves to laugh at life. Since he can laugh at himself, people usually laugh with him, not at him.

Sex? Mmmm. Mr.Sag improves with experience. Kind of like chili con carne. The last bowl always tastes better than the first, because the spices and ingredients came together to make its unique flavor. He doesn’t keep score and he don’t kiss and tell, because it might get back to his partner. He doesn’t cheat because he’s tired of your ass. He cheats purely for the experience. While he’s in this ‘learning’ phase, he’s ripe for a relationship too. But, consider an open one to spare your tortured heart some grief. It may never feel like he’s all yours.

He really, really wants to be an honest man, but he ain’t. He can’t resist temptation (and a delicious ass). But he’ll get older and start to see that he needs to be the best that he can be or die a broken, hollow dildo of a man. If you love Mr. Sag, then expect to watch him struggle his whole life with these issues. And if you’re both lucky, it’s a worthwhile struggle. He’s got to discover and define the terms of his life philosophy. His life must be an example of what he thinks of his own ‘Self’. Along the way, of course, he may act like the most charming, pain-in-the-ass and naughty puppy you’ve ever met, and let into your life.

Move-In Material – Aries, Leo, Sagittarius, Pisces

Explosive Booty Blasting Chemistry – Libra, Capricorn, Aquarius

Beware of Trainwreck – Cancer, Scorpio

Best Bros Forever – Taurus, Gemini, Virgo

Next month get the skinny on all things Capricorn you sure footed goats.

Until then,

Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang, Bitches,

Krystella kristella-portrait

 

 

Hungry for more Homoscopes? Check out Scorpio here

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