12
Dec

 Krystella’s Homoscopes

Sagittarius – Sick Puppy

Famous Sagittarians

Check out two of our favorite Sagittarians

Taylor Swift & Jake Gyllenhaal

 

Sagittarius

kristella-portrait

Oh, hey Sagittarians, you guys are a refined level of painful, sweet remorse. Everyone falls in love with you, but you long to find the next best thing and leave our hearts bruised and bleeding for you. You’re like a sexy puppy, everyone wants to touch you, but you only want food. smoke


Related Scorpio – Fierce Creature


Burning Up

Ruled by Jupiter and fire, you can’t help but burn through relationships and people. It’s not that you use people, you’re actually immensely generous and a source of positive energy in any social setting. It’s just that you tire quickly of others and have a constant hunger for new stimulus and adventure. That’s the nice way to say you’re a dick monster. DICK MONSTER!

Success has a price

You’re the hunter, and in your world, the hunted are: your next date, that promotion at work, any and all self-advancement. No wonder many Sagittarians are highly successful. If not a little lonely, as they don’t share the top, they just get there and dominate until they meet their next irresistible challenge and move on to conquer that. You set aim, fire, hit that target, and keep hunting. smoke

Players be Playing

Sagittarians don’t believe they’re players, but make no mistake, they are born and programmed to play. It’s just when a Sagittarian does it, he believes he’s into you, and he believes he’s into your best friend and your brother. He’s totally into all of you and will slowly but surely hunt and thrill each of you. The only way to be happy with a Sagittarian is to either accept he will eventually bang all of the chickens in the coop, or beat him to it. As a talented hunter, he enjoys and respects another hunter to give him a run for his money. I mean playing a player is exhausting, but for a month or two it could be fun. (Don’t bang your brother.) smoke

Stalker, Hunter: Same, Same.

Sagittarians love research and will google the hell out of you before a date, so double check your profiles and make sure you take anything down that you don’t want him to know about. Go back as far as 1997, because he will. A committed hunter will stalk its prey for days, so checking you out on Google is a natural step. Better delete your MySpace, I mean seriously take that thing down! It’s over and it’s not coming back.

Looks can be deceiving

Sagittarians look like they make excellent boyfriend material, fun, adventurous, excellent in bed, totally into you while you’re in the room. You probably have no idea that they treat everyone that way. When their focus is on you, everything else just slips into irrelevance. It’s like they put a spell on you, and you’re fine with it. They also never sleep. They pretend to, but keeping up to three lives operating simultaneously, doesn’t allow for such pesky activity as rest and sleep. The hunter did not slay the bear by resting, and this hunter is coming for you Daddy! smoke

Sagittarians will pump you

These guys pump you for every detail of your life; they listen to your stories, and once you share all of it, they feel like the job is done, target slayed and are onto the next exciting hunt, probably for your ex-boyfriend or neighbor, or your slutty brother.

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Do me, make me shake!

You may find you’ll date a number of Sagittarians in a row before you realize that they all dump you when you think it’s getting serious. The honeymoon period with these guys is mind-blowing, it’s fireworks and movie screen love. They kiss you good morning and have sex with you twice before you leave the house. They are so good in bed you literally find new muscles no one knows about and use them to reach new climactic highs. Your body shudders and shakes, your orgasm quakes into existence and you think he’s the one. He thinks you’re number 5 today and it was pretty good. The price of a seasoned and talented lover is, you got to share that talent with others. It’s selfish to try and tie your Sagittarian down.

smoke

Sex Wins

Sagittarians do not consider themselves to be liars, they just make things up because they can, and if ever it gets close to blowing their cover, they just blow you, and you start to shudder again. Thus they have won the argument or whatever it was, as you begin to float back to the mattress.

smoke

Please don’t stop hunting, it’s what makes you the greatest sex buddies of the zodiac, but maybe give love a chance, it has other rewards you could enjoy. Much Love, Lady K

kristella-portrait

Element: Fire

Ruling Planet: Jupiter

Erogenous Zone: Thighs

Best Traits: Fun, Passionate, Sensitive

Worst Traits: Careless, Tactless, Impatient

Sign Compatibility

Move-In Material – Aries, Leo, Sagittarius, Pisces

Booty Buddy Chemistry – Libra, Capricorn, Aquarius

Beware of Trainwreck – Cancer, Scorpio

Best Bros Forever – Taurus, Gemini, Virgo

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