Polyamory – Many Loves
Polyamory – poly Greek for many; amor, Latin for love. We use this term for relationships when three or more people are in love with each other.
Polyamory is still a rare type of relationship model. It’s when you decide that you are prepared to fall in love with more than one person, and keep multiple love partnerships going. There are many different ways to be polyamorous – from single guys interested in finding a poly relationship to couples looking to include a third, to triads and quads, and even five-person unions or more.
Hard to define
You have free range to create a situation that suits you, and the people involved, so it can be hard to define polyamory. We are so overexposed to monogamy that many people try to start from there and explain other relationships by comparison. In polyamory, this doesn’t always work. There can be situations where there is a ‘primary’ core couple or triad, and this acts as the base on which to build. There can also be polyamory groups that have no central base.
Rather than get too caught up in the mechanics of polyamorous relationships, let’s focus on the thing common to all: every polyamorous relationship starts from love.
This multi-love can seem contradictory if, like many others, you believe love is between two people. You already determined that you and your special someone will spend a lifetime of happiness together. That’s monogamy, and it works for lots of people, but polyamorists look at love and relationships differently.
For poly guys, love is a vast resource and something that they can share with more than one partner. Often they will see the others in their triad, or quad or group as equal. Outsiders coming from a monogamy background may want to identify the primary couple and the secondary boyfriends to try and understand. The confusion is that in some arrangements this actually happens, but not in all of them. Some gay polyamorous unions can include three, four, or more people who are all passionately in love with each other, equally.
Falling in love, for anyone who’s done it, can completely take over your life; it’s somewhere between genius and madness, where you relate everything to that one great person, who lights you up. Imagine being able to fall in love, when you’re already in love, over and over? Polyamorous unions feel like a family, the love is the glue that keeps them together. It might not appeal to everyone, but when it works, it’s a beautiful thing.
It’s definitely challenging to look at the world without prioritizing monogamy. There really is no relationship that can claim to be the best. There are endless options for you to keep trying until you’re satisfied. You could choose to be single, you might want traditional monogamy, polyamory, or you might go for a monogamish love story. Love is love is love.
More to come
There’s so much more to polyamory and love. We’ll visit this topic again with examples of real gay triads and other polyamorous arrangements, but for now lets just enjoy the idea that love is vast. Love is something powerful and beautiful. If you find someone to share it with, or a few people to share it with, that’s great. And if polyamory is not something that interests you, thats fine too, because there’s so many other relationship models in the world for you to enjoy.
Part 2 available here: Polyamory, Love me, Love you, Love Him
Polyamory is natural.
We value YOU. If you want us to cover anything, send your suggestion to email@example.com. All ideas considered.
We also feature gay people in their jobs, we call it Queer Careers.