Introducing Krystella, the Fortune Tella

Krystella is an all-seeing, all-knowing, fortune telling force of nature. She was born from a storm as it brushed its way across some lost and lonely state in America. Raised on sass and instinct, she has grooved her way through the universe and is now our resident PLANETROMEO clairvoyant.

She is not only a soothsayer, she’s also the world’s foremost dating expert. What a perfect fit for PLANETROMEO. Krystella uses every known method of magic and instinct to predict your future. She‘s well versed in tarot cards, she has been a student of the zodiac since time began, but she hates to talk about her age, and she can read the messages of the gods on the wind.

When it comes to love, Krystella has fallen deep and hard once or twice before. She knows exactly what love feels like, from the excitement, the near obsession, the romantic adventure, to the emotional investment and reward. She has also lost in love and knows, only too well, what it’s like to let go of something special. She has experienced the heartbreak of calling it a day on something that once was so splendid.

Krystella is happy and willing to offer advice and tips on love, lovemaking, and your fates, but be warned. She will not suffer fools easily. She can be direct, blunt, and, above all else, honest. Can you handle it?


This American oracle has a signature husky deep voice, the kind of voice that will wrap you up and put you to bed in a single syllable. She is a little edgier than the traditional mothering fortune tellers you may be used to.

Channeling and tuning are some of her more specialized talents. She can channel the spirits of the dearly departed and spends most of her Saturday nights chilling with Kurt Cobain, Amy Winehouse, and Jimi Hendrix. She is not only limited to dead rock stars, she can also connect with the living in a little process she calls tuning. She can literally tune into your frequency and hear your thoughts. So if you are feeling extra real today, it may be because our resident clairvoyant is connected to your soul.

A typical day for Krystella involves, rising with the sun, stirring up her mojo and consulting the cards, so she knows what to wear. Then after a coffee and the lighting of incense, she will summon her muse, who at the moment, tends to be Joan Rivers.

Krystella’s lair is suspended between this world and Alaska Thunderfuck 5000. She has a home filled with loving pets, an exotic bird, a black widow spider, a friendly rat and absolutely no cats. Many people assume Krystella is a witch, but they are merely projecting their own inner witch onto her. She can handle it and just renounces their opinions back onto their Wicca denying selves.

Each month we will be seeking questions from you, our lovely Romeos and Krystella will consult her Krystell ball to look into your destiny. No questions are too small, too silly or too serious. Perhaps you just met a guy and you want to know if it’s going to last or it’s just a blast? Perhaps you are looking for a new job and want Krystella to point, nudge or shove you in the right direction. Honey sugar, Krystella was born to shove, get in line and be prepared to be transported to the new future super you.

If you have a pressing question or need guidance, send an email to:

We will post some of your questions and Krystella’s answers on the blog each month.

Much Love,


Krystella’s Homoscopes are here for Sagittarius and Scorpio.

Her responses to your questions are on the In and Out with Krystella page.

Disclaimer – Krystella is a force of nature and, as such, can’t be completely controlled by PLANETROMEO. In some cases our hands are tied, literally. She has insisted on her own brazen style, when it comes to titles, and the sound of her written pieces. We hope you enjoy her savage embrace. Peace out and play nice.