Krystella’s Homoscopes

 Balls deep in Scorpio

Krystella has many talents, channeling spirits, tuning into living people, tarot card reading, crystal ball gazing, and many more. She has been reading the signs since the stars were first placed in the dark blue skies of heaven. Naturally, the zodiac is her first language. In her enormous wisdom, Krystella has seen fit to share her intimate knowledge of the 12-star signs with everyone on PLANETROMEO over the coming 12 months.

This month she focuses on Scorpio. What love has in store for you, your best and worst features. The only question left is, can you handle the truth?

My Darling Romeos,

To say that Scorpios are intense is an understatement. As exciting as that may sound, it’s also a warning. Because there are really, only two types of Scorpios. There are the lovely ones that are all open, friendly, and make for exciting lovers. The kind of man you dream about having because you saw how he melted the heart of that bitch on your favorite soap opera. You know the one! And then there are those moody, energy sucking assholes that you always seem to meet that make for exciting lovers, because they make your nipples erect and ache to be touched. Any of this sound familiar yet? 

Don’t deny that you love sex. You Scorpios are excellent lovers because you’re passionate and probing. And boy-o-boy, how you boys can probe. You add that extra kink to your sex life so you both can go hog wild. Oink-oink, little piggy. 

You say you want to get to know me better. What you really mean is that you want to know everything about me. You’re not always so good at balanced relationships, huh? Because when you love, you love with everything you’ve got. And, you’ve always got a lot of something! When you get what you want then you make a man sing out of every hole he’s got. Just remembering my last Scorpio has got me stuck to my chair. Oo-wee. Sho’ is getting hot in here! I need to get some iced tea with crushed ice. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. Now, if you don’t get the love you want then you become a bitch on wheels.

Did I tell you already that you’re a control freak? Well, you control control-freaks! The saying goes neat-freak, control-freak and downright freak! That means you’re a possessive lover who likes to to control in life and love. It might not be forever but it’s never boring. Trust me, you will always see things differently when your heels are reaching for the ceiling and you’ve got one hand on the headboard, and the other on the back of his head. Speak to Krystella and spell my name with your tongue. Get the picture?

When you’re not battling your crazy ass personal demons, then you’re all witty with words and being that social butterfly like only you can be. Passion rules you, so you’re one hell of a partner in every possible way. This is exactly why you scare lovers off after a while too! If you can’t take care of the dumb shit in your life you can easily become a negative Nelly, all bitter, with lemons up in your cooch. It’s never too late, though. You can always choose again. Maybe you just need to kick that demon’s ass in another way. If you’ve got questions about how to deal with that, just drop me a question on my email address:

There‘s a reason why a scorpion is the symbol used for this sun sign. Scorpios have a stinger to protect themselves. If you don’t give them a reason to sting, then you can treat them like any other pet. But, if you go around pissing them off, then you’ll feel their stinger. Even old dogs can bite. Here’s something you might want to remember: in nature, the smaller the scorpion the more dangerous the venom. So if you ever become involved with a Scorpio, I wish you a big scorpion with a big stinger and a gentleman’s venom.

Scorpios should marry a Capricorn, Scorpio or Pisces. When you want a hot and heavy, fireworks and chemistry, try Taurus, Gemini, Cancer or Virgo. If you like train wrecks, hook up with an Aries, Leo, Sagittarius or Aquarius. Your best Lesbros is a Libra.

Next month get the bare faced truth for Sagittarius.

Until then,

Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang, Bitches,

Krystella kristella-portrait




Want to know more about our resident fortune tella’?

Click this link Introducing Krystella