Femme is Sexy
Joseph Kearney, our Social Media Officer, has been on a life long journey, exploring gender roles and connecting with his feminine side. As a masculine looking guy with a female soul, Joseph shares the evolution of what’s sexy for him.
Joseph and Josephine’s Story
As a young boy, my dad called me Josephine, and that was perfect. As a teenager, schoolboys called me fat, and that was accurate. As an adult, some people tell me I’m so masc, then I speak, or move, and they say, I’m too femme. What other people call you, needn’t be reflective of you, it’s more how they see themselves in you.
My father’s name is Joseph; he looked at me, his youngest male son, and saw a female version of himself – Josephine. My schoolmates looked at me and saw I was bigger than them, so I was indeed fat. (Kids can be total bitches; I’m talking about you, D.J. O’Sullivan.)
Pass for Masc
From growing up as the beloved Josephine in a family of three boys, I felt very comfortable exploring my female side. Genetics and luck now mean that I’m tall, can grow an excellent beard, and look like a ‘real man’ on the outside. My physical appearance means that I appear or ‘pass’ for masc, in the eyes of others. That doesn’t mean it’s the real me, though – just how I’m often perceived.
Just Be Yourself
As I‘ve grown older and racked up some experience, I’ve realized that my tastes have changed with me. Where once, I also imagined masc guys were hot and actively sought them out, I now feel men who are comfortable in their own skin are the sexy ones. It’s about being yourself, and that can be really hard.
Lots of us were in the closet and ‘playing straight’ for most of our teens. That can lead to an identity crisis and a lot of confusion. Trying to fit into a masculine role is often just a way of trying to fit-the-fuck-in after years of hiding. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to belong or to feel included. It’s when your desire to fit in, makes you treat others as ‘outsiders’… well, that’s when shit gets messy.
The Shame Game
To spend so much time fighting for acceptance and then not be accepting is hypocritical. It’s the same as passing shame from one part of yourself to another person. “I’m gay, but I’m not that gay.” How can we begin to tackle this? Well, there’s no easy solution. But, talking about it, being aware of it, and trying to be a little more accepting is a significant first step.
I never explore my feminine side.
Challenge Yourself to Grow
I find it hard to wear makeup, but I celebrate the guys who do wear it. Pushing boundaries and testing yourself helps you grow. I want to challenge myself, and I love to talk about gender with my friends, Masc vs Femme, and the whole spectrum of gender. We are all part of this conversation, gay, straight, binary, non-binary, queer, intersex, etc. We all have a connection to our gender, and everyone’s is valid.
Femme is Sexy – An Evolution
If you decide that wearing lipstick and nail varnish makes you more comfortably you, there’s a high chance I’ll fall in love with you the first moment we meet. The act of a man wearing lipstick in public is so brave to me. It shows me that he is powerful, and true to who he is, and that is irresistibly sexy to me. Younger me might have thought a man wearing lippy, and nail varnish was attention seeking and un-sexy. Now, I’ve evolved to see that the men doing this are being their true authentic selves.
It’s exactly the same feeling when you meet a man in jeans and a flannel shirt who likes to fix cars and suck dick. If this is his true authentic self, then he is incredibly sexy to me, and yes, I might fall in love with him too. (I’m a proud whore, but that’s a whole other subject.) It’s easy for us to see a typically masculine guy as sexy because that’s how it is in fairytales and movies. He’s the Masc who arrives to save the day, the one who holds the power to change destiny and rescues the Femme. ‘Guys doing typical guy stuff, and that’s supposedly hot.’ If only we could see behind the curtain and beyond the gender charade.
More Room at the Table
The shift in thinking for me is that I no longer intentionally seek out a Masc guy or try to avoid Femme guys. I look for a connection and a common understanding. I don’t fear the Josephine side of me, and I’m happy to appreciate your feminine side too. That said, the fantasy of a hot hairy man is not lost on me, it’s just no longer the only thing on my menu.
Femme is sexy.
Masc or Femme?
The choice is yours to make, Masc or Femme?
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Read Leonardo Ongaro’s report on the Marriage Equality results in Australia last year.
We also spoke to Nish Gera for his story on Pride.